So how did I get here? How did I get so unhealthy, and so unhappy? The truth is…I’ve always been unhealthy and unhappy…for as long as I can remember. Oh sure, there were moments when I THOUGHT I was healthy and THOUGHT I was happy, but looking back…well, let’s just repeat the sentiment that hindsight is 20/20. And my hindsight is crystal clear.
The sexual abuse I suffered as a child began when I was very young. As a direct result of that, I began drinking and being very promiscuous at a young age. A childhood “friend” in the not too distant past referred to me as slut back when we were in school. A little harsh considering I was forced into sex at the age of 5…but people who haven’t gone through it don’t know.
So that is how my life began…being beaten, called “whale” and “pig”, never being “good enough” for a drunk mother and raped by two of my three brothers and a number of their friends. Not a great start…but I suppose a better start than some.
Now, as I look back on those times and the times in between, which I will continue to write down, I am often shocked that I lived through them. Through the drug abuse, the anonymous sex, the incredibly dangerous situations, the copious amounts of alcohol and the massive amount of depression and total lack of self worth. But I made it this far. I’m financially successful, have a lovely daughter, great step children and beautiful grandbabies. Yet I am still battling the bottle.
Well…it’s time. Time to let it go and start a new and better chapter. I believe that writing it all down will be a big part of the process. So let’s get it on!