What is astounding to me is the amount of time I spend obsessing about drinking my delicious wine and the compulsion to act on the obsession even though I know that after I start…oh yeah…I won’t stop. I think about it when I first arise, sometimes necessarily so because I feel like shit and I need, I mean need to have a little…just a few sips to smooth that damned edge off. That’s when it turns to a 3 or 4 day binge, all the while having to run my business. When I’m sober…like I am right now…it all seems so surreal to me. I’m a different person after I have that first glass…even that first sip of that first glass. It tastes so delicious that first glass, cold condensation, the tickling of the tongue and that beautiful warm first glow. Mmmmm. Then, while I may or may not go totally sideways…one thing is for sure…it will never stop at just one.
So each day, I start again. Each day, I try again. And while yesterday I did drink, at the very least I did not continue drinking. Yesterday, I did not drink until 7 PM at which time I had a cocktail and then 2 glasses of wine with dinner. Now, don’t get me wrong…the point is to not drink at all – I get that. I’m just happy I didn’t drink 2 bottles. I’m happy that I woke up this morning at 5 AM and took a walk in the rain and stopped to see the local fox kits in their den. I have to be happy with that today.